Chris died to this world this morning and awoke to the brilliance of Christ’s own light. When I imagine his joy, his peace, his wholeness, I can’t say I would want him to return. But on this side, our hearts are broken. The last severals days brought new levels of suffering for Chris, and suffering […]
Be present, O merciful God, and protect us through the hours of this night, so that we who are wearied by the changes and chances of this life may rest in your eternal changelessness; through Jesus Christ our Lord. Amen This part of compline in the Book of Common Prayer brought me a real peace […]
Chris was just taken down to the OR to have all of his lines removed. This includes his pleurex catheter (a drain in his abdomen that works to alleviate some of the cancer ascites), his Denver shunt, and his vascular catheter (the line in his neck from which he gets dialysis, chemo, and his TPN […]
On my way out of the hospital the other day, I passed the two people at the screening desk. One of them handed me a parking token, and as I approached the doors to leave, I heard the other woman ask, “How are you doing?” I turned around, surprised, and said, “How do you know […]
It’s been so long and it’s become harder and harder to write about life right now. Everything feels more complex–physically, emotionally, spiritually. I don’t know where to begin, and I don’t know what parts to keep to ourselves, where to draw lines around the intimate and the sacred. Despite the wonderful news of Chris’s diagnosis, […]
I have been needing and wanting to update this week…so much has happened and, frankly, I haven’t had the time or energy to write. I hope to soon. For now, below is an update my sister sent out to a few people on Thursday. It was a momentous day. “It’s been a big day. Thank […]
Yesterday Chris had a Denver shunt surgically placed in his chest. The purpose of the shunt is to take the fluid that collects in his abdomen and put it back into his bloodstream above his heart. The heart can then pump it through his body, and, if enough of the fluid can stay in his […]
Friday morning we had a long conversation with our oncologist. It was one that we were both ready for, or, at least, one that we, together, knew we needed to have. Over these last few weeks, as I’ve watched Chris’s body stop working as it should, I’ve been so burdened by the thought that things […]
Today marks one week in the hospital. I’ve started making it a tad cozier…put all the clothes and bags in the tiny closet, stood our books on their spines along the window ledge, as if they’re on a bookshelf, set up an icon and a lamp. It’s tolerable to spend the nights here; there’s something […]
We are waiting on so much here at the hospital…specifically for Chris’s kidney function to improve. We have an amazing nephrologist who we respect and appreciate on so many levels–we believe we are well cared for–but there is no improvement so far. We are waiting. Typing those words reminds me that as we wait on […]
Today was a different day than yesterday. It had its hardships, even some agony, but it was a different day. Chris had a successful procedure today to drain the fluid from his abdomen (3 liters worth), which I pray with all my heart affords him some relief. He also had a pigtail catheter put in […]
It’s been so long since we’ve posted. A lot has happened very quickly, and we are in great need of prayer. Chris’s condition has continued to worsen as we’ve awaited the report from California, and we realized yesterday morning after experiencing shortness of breath that he needed to go to the hospital. We learned that […]
We had an appointment today with Dr. Windsor. We knew already that there was no diagnosis yet. Last Friday Chris’s biopsy tissue was sent to a molecular lab in California to get genetically studied. It appears the pathology lab here has exhausted its resources. I asked a surgeon friend of a friend to get me […]
Monday morning before our appointment, my mom (aka Moomers) called a retired pathologist to whom she has a connection. He had offered to talk through anything that was going on. This man, Tom, listened to our situation and made it clear that he believed the pathology results for Chris should have been in long ago. […]
When despair for the world grows in meand I wake in the night at the least soundin fear of what my life and my children’s lives may be,I go and lie down where the wood drakerests in his beauty on the water, and the great heron feeds.I come into the peace of wild thingswho do […]
Yesterday Chris had his CT-guided biopsy done, and apparently the doctor was able to get some good tissue samples. The procedure went quickly, the radiologist who did the procedure was very kind, as was his staff, and it felt good to have an action step to take amidst all these waiting days. I like being […]
We finally talked to our doctor today and learned that the Harvard doctor was unable to determine what type of cancer Chris has. Apparently the tissue sample wasn’t large enough to determine anything definitive. So we are where we were 10 days ago. Lord willing (cheers, Moomers), we will get another, somewhat more invasive biopsy […]
These have been heavy days. We did learn that as of Friday the stains from Chris’s biopsy are actually not lost somewhere in the stratosphere, but are finally in the hands of the pathologist here to be read. Still, we won’t be able to see our oncologist until Wednesday. The waiting has become hard. I […]
It’s Monday of the week we expect to hear the results of Chris’s biopsy, and I thought I’d hop on with some thoughts. I can’t let Chris be the only one with a platform! Many of you have expressed anxiety about this waiting period and sympathy for how hard the waiting is. Oddly, the waiting […]